Upon looking through a thesaurus to find synonyms for the word “manners,” second on the list caught my eye: Refined Social Behavior. How funny.
Manners are something that I have been ingrained with since I was old enough to speak. Being from the south, Tallahassee, Florida was about as “southern” as Florida gets, I was taught to always respect my elders, and to approach all things with poise rather than rudely or urgent.
At an early age, like all kids, I began to “want” and “need” almost everything. Trips to K-Mart (classy as it gets,) meant that I needed a new toy, and that I was not stopping until Betty Spaghetti was buckled into the empty seat next to me on the car ride home. But I quickly learned that in life we earn things, and receiving them is a privilege, not a right. From then on, I like to think those lessons shaped me into the polite (at most times), young lady that I am today.
These manners, or my refined social behavior for that matter, have come in handy when meeting parents, potential employers, and even simply existing in the southeast region of the United States. All of that changed when I moved to the lovely, but very sarcastic, city of New York.
Countless encounters with bosses, salespeople, and even interviewers have left me feeling downright silly and wishing I would have bit my tongue. Responding “Mam?” to a question you may not have heard correctly has got to be one of the most naive things one could do in a city like New York.
Responses I have heard to my so called “refined social behavior” have been:
- Honey, I am not old.
- Please don’t call me Mam.
- My mom is mam..
- Come again..?
- Say Whattttt?
And I could list even more. While this may not be alarming to you, I was in a complete culture shock if I had ever known one. The very thing that set me apart; my polite, sweet self..? I was all of the sudden annoying and rude. How is that even possible?
Now, when speaking to anyone who I would consider worthy of respect, I have to check my “mam” and “sir” at the door, and make my manners known in a more subtle way. Still with patience and a tone of respect, I now try my best to use phrases like “Excuse me?” and “I apologize?” Neither of which I am sure are proper grammar but honestly, they are better than the alternative which is feeling downright dumb.
Lesson: Read your audience. There are plenty of ways to make people feel respected, without making them feel...ancient.
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